Recently I have been getting more into self-help books so I can expand my mind and learn some helpful practices to deal with trauma that has happened in my life. I recently found this book called You Will Find Your People by Lane More and thought that this book would help me. I don’t have a issue with making friends when I see people regularly but I often have a hard time making them last long term. As I have gotten older and have a full-time job it’s been hard and if I’m honest I don’t keep in touch. I was hoping that this book could help me combat some of these skills and build more meaningful relationships. By the end of the book I ended up with a completely new idea of friendship all together.
Let’s start off with the basics of the book.
‘”You will find your people‘ written by Lane Moore takes the readers on a journey that examines and challenges the ideas of friendship we’ve seen in pop culture, answers every question you’ve ever had about friend breakups, and teaches us how to fearlessly ask for what we want in friendships once and for all. “ A book synopsis from Amazon.
Moore gives you a real life idea of the hardships that comes from making friends of all types, from exs to strangers on the plane we don’t always know how to navigate these things or if it’s ok to have different types of friendships in the world. This book dispells these expectations in a way that doesn’t make you feel as if something is wrong with you if you don’t instantly make friends with everyone.
Lane Moore is an American comedian turned writer and actor best known for her book ‘How To Be Alone’ and she also hosts Tinder live, a stand up comedy show where she uses the Tinder app and interacts with potential matches in real time. She clearly has a nack for being engaging and you would think she would have no fear with walking up to a complete stranger and saying ‘Hi, be my friend’ but it’s often the people who are the most outspoken that seem to be the most in need of a friend. She has since met her people, and lost some to and she gives an interesting perspective to those navigating the friendship dating scene.
When I started listening to ‘You will find your people’ I was expecting a step by step tutorial on how to make friends by an expert. But the book is like talking to your older sister over coffee about why your latest relationship didn’t work out in the most non judgemental way. She shares her own stories about how her friendships didn’t work out and what she/you can do in the future to prevent it as well as letting you know when it’s ok to let go, something that we all need to hear from time to time.
I don’t always get it when people talk about expectations. As someone who has had a lot of heartbreak and disappointment in their life I’ve learned a long time ago to not hope for a lot, especially in relationships. I remember my first best friend I met in kindergarden. She would sleep over my house almost every weekend, and we talked on the phone for hours. Soon she just stopped talking to me, there was no good bye. It followed me in to a lot of my friendships I had since then. I just assumed people would leave eventually and not to get attached. How I wish I had this book back then!
This book didn’t tell me to go to a bar and make friends or to reach out to coworkers for lunch like most of them say to do. Instead it had me ask myself what am I looking for in a friendship and be honest with myself and them if I didn’t get it. Most importantly it told me not to dwell on it if it doesn’t work out. Sometimes even if you ask for what you need, that person may not be looking for that,like my old friend. Me remembering that lost had me stuck in this unending loop of just leaving before I get hurt. Through reading this book it showed me that unlike the movies, friendships do just come to an end, and it’s ok to let go. It also told me to work through the small problems some of my other relationships might have and see if there’s some common ground. Since reading this book I have reconnected with some people in my life that I thought the friendship was over to see what was going on and if everything was ok. Some even responded back and we restarted the relationship and that’s great!
If you’re in a spot where your friendships aren’t turning out like the ones you’ve seen on TV or you’re having issues getting to a deeper, and closer relationship with some aquantices that you have and you really want to take that next step I encourage you to read this book. Not only will it give you a good idea on how to handle the awkwardness of asking someone to be your friend, it also let’s you know you’re not alone if your friendships don’t work out.
I hope that this book review helps you along your journey through life and love. If you’re interested in listening or reading this book you can buy it here. When you purchase through my links I do get a small commission on the sale and I use that to help me on my journey and provide great content to you. Again I hope you enjoyed reading this review and I will see you next time.