As I continue down this dirt road of life I am constantly reflecting on my past and seeing how it affects my life now and how my mind works in general. Like, when I was in the 4th grade we had a career day. If you’re not familiar career day is the day when you dress up for the job/career you want to have when you grow up. Originally, I wanted to be a teacher, but I was so afraid that people would judge me for wanting to be a teacher. Like I wasn’t shooting for the stars and going for gold. So I thought, what’s a good job? Doctor obviously, but I had no interest in being a doctor, not then, not now. But I wanted to have a “good” career and for people to think I was going for it. Even though there’s nothing wrong with being a teacher and I’m sure it would have been fine. I even remember my teacher telling us how to dress if we wanted to be a teacher.
Fast forward to when I was in 5th grade. I and my family were walking through a New York company store. I was walking through the aisles of clothing running my hands along the rack and thinking “I would love to work in retail.” For years, I kept that to myself because it wasn’t a good answer. When I got my first retail job I remember telling myself “You did it!” But I kept it all to myself because again these weren’t good answers when it comes to your career.
It wasn’t until COVID hit and I was on the phone with my therapist that she told me those infamous words that I live my life by now “This is your life, you do with it what you want.” That’s when I decided to stop living for the “good answers”. I decided that regardless of what other people thought about my life, it is mine, and their thoughts have no impact on what happens in it. Once I stopped living life for the good answers I discovered so much more about myself. I wear whatever I want, I do cringe-y things that make me happy. Because my happiness is a priority and my choices are valid no matter if other people think they are good or not.
We often get so wrapped up in keeping up with what other people are doing, or impressing friends and relatives or even people we knew in high school that we don’t care about what we think about ourselves. But you should! At the end of the day, you have to lay with your choice, not anyone else. So don’t worry about having a good answer, have a happy answer. Live a life that you’re proud of having and it makes you happy to get up and start the next day. You always have a choice so choose happiness, joy, and peace. It will always take you further than living a life that you think you should live or have because ‘they’ think you should.
Remember everything is a journey and even though you might have just started yours I am happy you’re here and I hope you start living for yourself and not others. You always have a choice, choose yourself every day and you will smile more and dance in the sunshine.
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